A gay Christian's behind-the-scenes account of evangelical megachurches and eight years in conversion therapy before finding wholeness and authenticity.
Releasing May 5, 2026
About the Book
Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez was an invisible architect behind evangelical Christianity's digital empire, crafting messages of belonging for some of the most influential megachurches―Hillsong Church, Elevation Church, Willow Creek―all while secretly questioning his own place within the faith.
In a desperate attempt to "fix" himself, he turned to conversion therapy, spending eight years trying to pray the gay away. And he wasn't alone. More than 700,000 people in the US have undergone some form of conversion therapy. Even though Exodus International, the largest ex-gay organization, closed in 2013, the practice still thrives in many conservative religious communities. After years of this harmful "therapy," Schraeder Rodriguez's sexuality never changed. But his faith did. The more time he spent in evangelical Christianity, the more he witnessed the hypocrisy of institutions that claimed to love everyone while quietly pushing people like him into silence. But Schraeder Rodriguez wouldn't remain silent. Instead, he forged a new path, discovering a vibrant faith beyond the constraints of non-affirming theology and finding a community that embraced his whole self.
Conversion Therapy Dropout is a behind-the-scenes look at megachurch culture, the hidden harm of non-affirming Christian spaces, and the ongoing impact of conversion therapy on gay Christians. This isn't just a coming-out story―it's about what happens after. About rebuilding a life outside the only world you've ever known. And the radical act of stepping into the light after being told your whole life to stay in the shadows. Sometimes, the greatest act of faith isn't holding on―it's letting go.
Pre-Order Now — Releasing May 5, 2026
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Photo by Jeremy Varner, Varner Creative
About the Author
Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez spent almost a decade in gay conversion therapy—all while working behind the scenes at some of the most influential Evangelical Christian megachurches. After embracing his identity as a gay Christian and stepping away from church work, he co-founded Church Clarity, an organization that helps queer people find affirming faith communities.
His story and work have been featured by TIME, The Advocate, NBC, VICE, The Washington Post, Huffington Post, Religion News Service, and Newsweek.
Born in the Midwest, he now calls New York City home, where he continues his work as a writer, digital strategist, and advocate for queer people of faith.
Advance Praise for Conversion Therapy Dropout
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![Jen Hatmaker endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“Conversion therapy proposes a theology of brokenness; Conversion Therapy Dropout offers a theology of restoration. Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez guides us through evangelical megachurching, private struggle, and public silence—and what emerges is rooted in honesty, compassion, and the sacred claim that all people are made in God’s image. A powerful contribution to both queer theology and the future of faith communities.”
Jen Hatmaker
5x NY Times bestselling author
and host of the For the Love Podcast -
![Jeff Hiller endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“How beautiful and brave of Tim to share his story with us. This is a powerful account of the search for self through faith and community, and a reminder to us all that God’s love is unconditional.”
Jeff Hiller
Emmy Award-winning actor
and author of Actress of a Certain Age -
![Jaymes Black CEO of Trevor Project endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“This raw and moving read offers a critical look into the realities of undergoing conversion therapy – a dangerous, discredited practice that sadly continues to harm young people all across the United States today. Tim’s story serves as a powerful reminder of the resilience of our community, and sends a clear message to LGBTQ+ young people everywhere that says, ‘There is no shame in being your authentic self; you are valid, worthy, and loved exactly as you are.’”
Jaymes Black
CEO, The Trevor Project -
![Jason Yamas endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez’s debut memoir bravely transcends other exposés of institutions embedded in Christianity that promise to ‘fix’ one’s queerness, instead directing fellow believers toward a path of shameless piousness, preaching: you can be gay as hell and still go to Heaven. For Atheist or Agnostic readers like myself, Tim frames his harrowing and courageous journey through an inclusive lens, never getting lost in religious minutiae. As a gay man who has little to no interest in communing with any God, I see my story and my fight toward self-acceptance reflected back on every last page.”
Jason Yamas
author of Tweakerworld, winner of the 2024 Lambda Literary Award for Best Gay Memoir -
![Lauren Hough endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“Conversion Therapy Dropout is a heartbreaking, infuriating, and ultimately triumphant chronicle of one man’s journey to reconcile his faith with his truth. Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez writes with startling honesty and bravery and his story is as urgent as it is beautiful.”
Lauren Hough
New York Times bestselling
author of Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing -
![Jedidiah Jenkins endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“A good writer and a wise soul can pull at the thread and not unravel the whole sweater. Tim has done this, finding himself and what remains from a faith system that put its whole weight on changing him, and when they couldn’t, using him. And yet, he is not spent, nor is his faith. I wish I had this book when I was twenty-five, when I was still trying to fit my queerness into the shape of what I was taught God could love. I pray it’s read widely and leaves ripples of hope in its wake.”
Jedidiah Jenkins
New York Times bestselling
author of To Shake the Sleeping Self -
![R Eric Thomas endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“Taking the trauma of his experience and offering his resilience to the reader with wisdom and generosity, Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez’s book is a gift. This story shouldn’t have to be told but needs to be heard. Whether you share his experience or not, you’ll find much to gain from his experience, his perspective, and his wonderful way of storytelling.”
R. Eric Thomas
bestselling author of Here for It -
![Paidrig O'Tuama endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“Tim Schraeder Rodriguez might have dropped out of conversion therapy, but his book tells us how much longer it takes to exorcise harmful thinking and theologies from yourself. I wish I didn’t have to say this, but I need to: this book needs to be read. It needs to be read by people who are looking for a freedom denied them by their faith communities. It also needs to be read by people who lead those faith communities, making reckless promises and capitalising on wasting the energies, time—and sometimes lives—of those whose dignity deserves to be recognised, not rubbished.”
Pádraig Ó Tuama
poet and host of Poetry Unbounde -
![Kelly Rippon endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez has written a book that speaks directly to the human heart. With short, powerful chapters that invite reflection, this work reaches across all backgrounds and identities. Whether you’ve questioned your own sense of belonging or witnessed someone else shrinking themselves to ‘fit in,’ Tim’s voice reminds us that we were never meant to dim our light. His honesty and courage turn difficult truths into an invitation to live more fully, and his wisdom leaves you both challenged and deeply affirmed. This book is not only a testimony of resilience—it’s a guide for anyone ready to embrace their authentic self.”
Kelly Rippon
author of Parent Up: Inspire Your Child to Be Their Best Self and mother to Olympic medalist Adam Rippon -
![RK Russell endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“I know what it feels like to stand in a system that asks you to be less than whole, and to choose yourself anyway. In Conversion Therapy Dropout, Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez charts that choice with clarity and grace. He exposes the lie that survival requires our silence, and he does it while still protecting the possibility of faith and community. This is an honest, generous book that will save lives, mend hearts, and help families understand what love actually asks of us. I’m grateful it exists, and proud to stand with it.”
R.K. Russell
former NFL player and author of The Yards Between Us: A Memoir of Life, Love, and Football -
![Matthew Paul Turner endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“Conversion Therapy Dropout is a wildly honest, hopefully potent true story, one that’s bound to ruffle feathers, turn over tables, and change minds. Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez’s journey toward becoming whole in his gay skin is, at times, an emotional rollercoaster, a painful story of loss, self hatred, and ugly theology. And yet, even amid his path’s ups and downs, light shines through every crack. Powerful, earnest, this book is a grace for queer folk and our allies and a lifeline for those still existing in closets or among unaffirming communities.”
Matthew Paul Turner
#1 New York Times bestselling author of What Is God Like? and When God Made You -
![Lyndsay Rush endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“Pardon my blasphemy, but oh my g*d this book is a triumph. It should be an HBO dramedy; it will break your heart but also make you howl with laughter.”
Lyndsay Rush
(aka @maryoliversdrunkcousin), USA Today bestselling author of A Bit Much -
![Greg Marshall endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“There’s no manual for being gay, but in Conversion Therapy Dropout Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez offers something more powerful: raw, radiant field notes on survival, belonging and becoming. With the innocence of Oliver Twist and the grit of a queer prophet, Schraeder Rodriguez gives us a backstage pass to the showy megachurches and dank basements of the evangelical movement. But there’s another, more intimate history in these pages, too: that of a curious boy armed with dial-up internet, a can of hairspray he’s pretending is a microphone, and an open heart. Bear witness and be converted.”
Greg Marshall
author of Leg: The Story of a Limb
and the Boy Who Grew from It -
![Paul Lisicky endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
"With passionate clarity, CONVERSION THERAPY DROPOUT lays bare the myriad contradictions at the core of structural Christian homophobia. A piercing, propulsive account of walking in step with power—and the liberation found in walking away. Not toward disenchantment, but toward community, forthrightness, affirmation, humor, heart: the tenets of a new, evolving faith.”
Paul Lisicky
author of Song So Wild and Blue -
![Richie Jackson endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“Conversion Therapy Dropout is Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez’s harrowing tale of being led astray by churches, clergy and counselors and how, through profound perseverance and resilience (the very hallmarks of being a gay man), he shed the sequela of stigma and shame that was foisted on him as a young child. The belief that finally saved him was his faith in and grace with himself.”
Richie Jackson
author of Gay Like Me: A Father Writes to His Son -
![A man with a beard and shaved head resting his head on his right hand, sitting at a table in a modern indoor setting.]()
"With unflinching honesty and exquisite tenderness, it bears witness to the wounds inflicted by a church that has too often confused dogmatic exclusion with faithfulness. And yet it also offers something even more radical that we need now more than ever: hope. In these pages, queer stories are not only told, they are honored, elevated, and recognized as deeply complex reflections. For anyone, like me, who has ever felt crushingly unseen or silenced in the pews, this book is a hand held out in solidarity. For those who have benefitted from the status quo, it is a summons to courage and empathy. Rarely have I read something so capable of breaking a heart and mending it in the same breath. This is a book I will be sharing this book with everyone I know who still believes the gospel is good news for us all.”
Joseph Awuah-Darko
artist and writer and creator of The Last Supper Project -
![Curtis Chin endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“As a queer man navigating faith, identity, and belonging, Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez challenges the harmful systems that shaped him and reclaims his story with honesty and heart. It’s vital to amplify voices like his, especially from within communities that have too often been told to stay silent.”
Curtis Chin
author of Everything I Learned, I Learned in a Chinese Restaurant -
![Close-up of a smiling man with dark hair and a beard, wearing a black shirt, against a plain background.]()
“Conversion Therapy Dropout is a tender, heartbreaking, and touching account of Rodriguez's lifelong experience of working for American mega churches, as well as an eye opening account of surviving the harrowing experience of gay conversion therapy. But it is also, ultimately, a book about our collective search for belonging. The right to spirituality is often one of the first things stolen from queer people, and Rodriguez's memoir is a thoughtful meditation on one believer's journey towards hard won self-acceptance while navigating a cloistered world of organized faith filled with unspoken secrets and hard held hypocrisies that constantly insisted on his exclusion. Brave, informative, and timely!”
Komail Aijazuddin
author of Manboobs: A Memoir of Musicals, Visas, Hope, and Cake -
![A young man with styled brown hair, wearing a denim jacket with various patches, necklaces, and earrings, smiling against a plain white background.]()
“Tim’s story is a powerful testament to how shame takes root when love comes with conditions. At PFLAG, storytelling is central to our mission, and this book is a shining example of why these stories matter. In today’s increasingly polarized world, nuanced narratives like this are essential for building bridges of empathy and unconditional love. I felt so deeply connected to this story of searching for faith as a queer person, and I know I won’t be the last.”
Philip Calabro
PFLAG NYC -
![A man with curly hair and a beard, wearing a pink button-up shirt, smiling in a setting with wooden furniture and green plants.]()
“This book recounts the agonizing push and pull that queer Christians are made to feel, the experience of being caught between two worlds: the sexual and the sacred, two spheres of existence that we were long told to be mutually exclusive. But Rodriguez busts the myth that one needs to ‘choose’ one’s orientation or one’s relationship with the Divine. He gives voice to the difficult task of theological deprogramming and psychospiritual rejuvenation after high-control religion, but he does so with grace, humour, and sassy asides—not to mention a healthy number of references to Britney Spears. This book is a vital resource for anyone recovering from trying to pray the gay away.”
Lucas F. W. Wilson
author of Shame-Sex Attraction: Survivors’ Stories of Conversion Therapy -
![Cindy House endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“Conversion Therapy Dropout is an inspiration as the story of the author’s refusal to lose his faith—especially in himself. At every turn, Tim Schraeder Rodriguez bravely heeded his own truth, a beautiful lesson for us all, especially in these times.”
Cindy House
author of Mothernoise -
![Jack Parlett endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“This is a deeply moving book, written with the kind of clarity and candour that healing affords. Schraeder Rodriguez offers, through his own story, both an emphatic critique of the institutions that force queer people into hiding, and an inspiring tale of transformation. Full of grace and insight, it is a powerful reminder that spirituality is for all of us, in our wholeness.”
Jack Parlett
author of Fire Island -
![Kristen Howerton endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
As a therapist, I’ve witnessed the deep wounds caused by shame and rejection in faith communities. Conversion Therapy Dropout is a piercing account of surviving the shame-soaked world of trying to "pray the gay away" and learning to reclaim joy on the other side. Timothy writes with grit, honesty, and humor about the ache of trying to change who you are, and the relief of stepping into freedom. His story is for anyone who has felt pushed out of faith communities, yet still hunger for connection. This book is a reminder that healing is possible, and that we are more whole than we’ve ever been told."
Kristen Howerton
psychotherapist and author of Rage Against the Minivan -
![Daniel Allen Cox endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
"It's a form of violence to ask someone to fix what isn't broken to be deserving of love. In Conversion Therapy Dropout, Tim reclaims his story of surviving conditional acceptance and proposes we find community in places many of us have been told they can't exist: where no terms and conditions apply. Tim does the hard work of synthesizing it all. He rejects absolutes and embraces complexity to deliver love and wit in a handbag, set to the [holy] ministrations of [Saint] Britney Spears.
Daniel Allen Cox
author of I Felt the End Before It Came: Memoirs of a Queer Ex-Jehovah’s Witness -
![Jonathan Merritt endorsement of Conversion Therapy Dropout]()
“You probably don’t know Tim Schraeder Rodriguez, and that’s by design. Amid the rise of digital media, he was the closeted gay mastermind secretly catapulting Christian celebrities, brands and ‘pray the gay away’ conferences to global fame. Tim doesn’t just survive the machine that nearly destroyed him—he dismantles it, helping to shut down the largest ‘ex-gay’ ministry in the world. This story is so outrageous that it reads like spiritual fiction, except every devastating detail is true. Conversion Therapy Dropout is a mesmerizing memoir about the secret life of the most influential Christian you’ve never heard of. But more than that, it’s a masterpiece of spiritual archaeology, unearthing hope from the ruins of religious trauma. A rare book that manages to be both a love letter to the church and a manifesto for its overdue transformation. I cannot imagine a more important book for this moment, or a braver soul to write it.”
Jonathan Merritt
award-winning writer on religion and culture, contributor to The Atlantic -
![Black and white portrait of a smiling woman with long, wavy blonde hair, wearing a black top, crossing her arms.]()
"All of our stories are worth telling, of course. But some stories have been going untold for too long, and this is one of them. This is a story whose time has come, and I’ll be pressing this book into the hands of so many people. This is a story that has the power to reshape our churches, to mend the hearts of those we’ve wronged, and to build a more beau tiful, just, inclusive, Jesus-centered future for all of us, and for the generations to come."
Shauna Niequist
New York Times best-selling author of seven books, including I Guess I Haven’t Learned That Yet and Present over Perfect
Conversion Therapy Dropout T-Shirt
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Featured Media
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The Advocate: I survived conversion therapy. Now it's coming back in softer words
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![Man wearing glasses and a black T-shirt that reads 'Conversion Therapy Dropout' standing outdoors, smiling, with other people around.]()
Time Magazine: I Spent Eight Years in Conversion Therapy Mistaking Shame for Faith
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![Promotional poster for a podcast titled 'The Happily Never After,' hosted by Heather McG. The episode features a discussion on conversion therapy dropout with guest Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez. The background has peach-colored polka dots, and the poster includes photos of a woman with long dark hair and a man with short dark hair, wearing a green collared shirt.]()
The Happily Never After Podcast
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![A woman with dark hair and a white tank top smiling, sitting on a wooden floor with a white wall behind her. The text on the image reads "Creative Sobriety" and "The Podcast" in bold white font.]()
Creative Sobriety with Kristen Bear
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![Silhouettes of two women forming a heart shape with their hands in front of a rainbow pride flag.]()
Religion News Service: Dr. James Dobson’s death ends a life, but not a legacy of lies and harm
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![A person holds a rainbow-colored Pride flag.]()
Religion News Service: How World Vision's brief affirmation a decade ago changed LBGTQ Christians' journeys
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Washington Post: Survivors and families rally to end conversion therapy
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![A man in a brown checkered shirt in front of a TV and bookshelf, promoting National Coming Out Day for the Human Rights Campaign with a rainbow graphic at the bottom.]()
Human Rights Campaign: National Coming Out Day
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